Not for Me

Not for Me

Not long ago, I was reading the C.S. Lewis book “A Grief Observed”.  As I read Lewis’s book, I was struck by the raw reality of his loss.  The unfortunate truth is that one of the most unifying experiences we have as humans is that we all know and experience the pain of loss and brokenness.  
Another unfortunate truth is that most of us don’t really know how to navigate those experiences well. 

We have so many things to learn from how Jesus walked through the experience of pain and brokenness.  
The Gospels provide us many examples of Christ’s experience of engaging the pain of brokenness (for example, the tears He shared at Lazarus’s tomb, the compassion that the Gospel writers will often mention prior to Jesus healing someone, etc).  While we have several examples, I often find myself struck by the brokenness Jesus experienced on the cross. 

The pain of that moment perhaps reached its pinnacle in the raw emotion of Christ's words upon the cross as he calls out the words of the psalmist - "My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46 & Psalm 22:1). 

There are so many elements of that moment that we can't begin to understand as God the Son took upon himself the sins of the world and became the object of God the Father's wrath towards sin.  Since we don't have the ability to even understand the nature of the trinity, we have no chance of understanding the enormity of that moment. 

While it is true there are elements of that moment we can't understand, it is also true that there are elements each and every one of us likely identify with greatly.  Every single person on the planet has experienced those moments and seasons in which it felt like God is distant and removed from our realities. 
Upon the cross, Christ suffered not just physical pain, but He also endured a spiritual pain as He took upon Himself the curse of sin that separated us from God the Father. 

As we reflect upon the agony of that moment on the cross, it points us towards the incredible love Christ demonstrates to us. He willingly took up the cross fully knowing the torment it would involve.  I can't help but recall the old adage - "Something is worth what you're willing to pay for it."  The incredible price Christ paid for us is evidence of an incredible love He has for us.   

While I often focus on the agony of that moment or even the love expressed in that moment, I only recently recognized what perhaps may be a more obvious truth that Christ was modeling for us.  
In His moment of greatest suffering, Christ focused His mind on scripture!  In that moment of agony as He called out the words of the psalmist, scripture was relevant and had something to say about His circumstances and even the emotions He was experiencing.  

In fact, He didn't just think about scripture, He verbally spoke it.  

As He hung upon the cross, every breath required to speak was hard fought for. People who know a whole lot more about these things than I do have explained what was physically happening to Jesus as He hung on the cross.  They tell us that those who hung upon a cross couldn’t push themselves up to get full lungs of air without pushing upon the pierced feet and wrists.  Most people who were crucified ultimately died of suffocation. Christ used some of those last labored and fought for breaths to speak scripture as He quoted the words of the psalmist. 

As we engage our moments and experiences of loss and brokenness, perhaps, we should also be looking to remind ourselves of the truths of scripture so “that (we) do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13(b) NIV).  Make no mistake, when we experience loss, we will experience grief.  Christ modeled that for us.  The difference is within our grief we can still have hope.  We may not feel it; we may not be able to see it, but it is still there. 

Like the words of the old hymn referenced in this song remind us, in the enormity of these moments we have the opportunity to build upon the shifting sand of our feelings and perceptions or on the truth of Christ our solid rock.   

If you are in a season in which the grief of loss feels eclipsing, I pray that this song would be a reminder that there is a solid rock that has never been and never will be shaken. 
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Back to the Lewis book, as I was reading and struck by the enormity of his grief, I couldn’t finish reading without picking up the guitar.  This song just flowed out.  As I brought it to my friends Mark and Kim Johnson they had the great idea of making it a piano-driven piece.  We were able to pull in the ever-talented Ruthie Wilde to lend her cello talents to this song.